Leading Sunagakure
by Drop of the Sweetest Poison
Summary: Kazekage Gaara is the newly-appointed leader of the Village Hidden in the Sand. However, with power comes responsibility… Watch and poke fun at Gaara and his siblings as they endure mishaps and solve problems… horribly. OOC, Yaoi, Language, Minor OCs.
1. I: Stricter Water Protection Laws

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Title: Leading Sunagakure

Summary: Kazekage Gaara is the newly-appointed leader of the Village Hidden in the Sand. However, with power comes responsibility… Watch (and poke fun at) Gaara and his siblings as they endure mishaps and solve problems… horribly.

Warnings: Possible OOC, Possible Yaoi, AUish, Language, Crack, and OCs (minor)

* * *

Chapter I: Stricter Water Protection Laws

* * *

"Now that we're all here, let's discuss the first order of business: the lack of rainfall. We're quickly running out of water that has been collected in buckets, pans, flowerpots on windowsills, gutters, and old Juro's chamber pot that we put outside a few weeks ago."

A new member of the council chewed on his pencil in agitation and fidgeted wildly. Finally, he slammed his pencil down, and his hand shot into the air.

The old man that had been speaking paused and eyed the hand as if it had offended him. "Daisuke, how many times do we have to tell you that you're not at the Academy anymore?"

With a squeak, Daisuke let his arm fall. "Yes, yes. I just keep forgetting."

"Obviously…" The old man arched a white eyebrow. "Now, what did you want to say?"

"It was about the water problem."

"Oh, good. Speak freely, young one."

"I say we should either move to Wave Country or hire some people to do that crazy 'rain dance.'"

Both eyebrows raised, the old man said, "I'm sorry… but there are some things with wrong with moving an entire hidden village to another hidden village's territory. Also, we don't believe in the rain dance, nor do we know how to do it."

Kankurou snorted, face hidden behind a pornographic magazine. "Noob."

"But… why _nooot_?" Daisuke whined, pounding his fists on the table. "Rain dances work! They really do!"

"Fine. Go out and find someone who can perform this rain dance, and we'll see."

"I will!"

"But not right now. This meeting is still in session." The old man straightened. "Anyways, I don't know how much longer we will have to bathe in and drink this water we've collected—"

"Just who got the water in the chamber pot?" A young man interrupted.

"I believe it was South Suna."

Sobbing quietly, the man excused himself from the room.

"If we could just create a new way to collect water… and I mean all of the water that is rained upon us… perhaps we wouldn't have to cut down severely on water use. And crimes for overusing water wouldn't be so… harsh."

"I know what you mean!" Kankurou spat. "I used too much water a few days ago, and I was tied upside down to a trainin' post."

"That's not so bad. Don't complain."

"_Durin' _Academy hours!"

"I'm sure they wouldn't allow the children to—"

"_Without_ Academy teacher supervision!"

"…I see."

"They had a contest to see who could hit 'the target.'" Kankurou scowled. "Can you guess what that target was?"

"No…"

"It _still_ hurts to pee."

With a shudder, the old man continued, "Exactly my point. We need more water."

"The answer is so clear. Trade with the Village Hidden in the Mist. They are surrounded by ocean."

Everyone froze as the rough, quiet voice rang out, and the Kazekage stepped into the meeting room.

"Lord Kazekage!" Everyone fell to their knees before the young leader, with the exception of Kankurou.

Gaara crossed his arms and motioned for all of them to stand. "I see you are all as dim-witted as always."

"Lord Kazekage, what a wonderful idea! But what could we trade in return for the sacred water?" an elderly woman inquired worriedly.

"It is true that we wouldn't have anything of interest to them," the Kazekage continued, taking his seat at the head of the table, "but we could trade other villages things that we do have that are useful in exchange for things that the Mist Village can use."

A hand shot into the air.

It was given a withering look by the red-headed teenager. "Do not interrupt me."

"But… but… Lord Kazekage! You didn't get to hear my idea for rain!" Daisuke whined, pouting at the emotionless Suna leader. "I said that we should get some people to do a rain dance for us! It works! I'm sure that all those people in the Village Hidden in the Rain can do it, and that's why they get so much rain!"

"Or they live in a location that is favorable for rainfall." Kankurou scoffed. "Dumbass."

Staring at Daisuke for a moment and unnerving him completely, Gaara folded his hands in his lap. "For example, Fire Country is very hot, is it not? The odds of a fire starting up are high."

"Ooh… I know what Lord Kazekage is saying! We can trade them sand for water because sand can stop fires!"

"I didn't say anything like that because you have interrupted me," Gaara growled, "but yes, sand can help smother fires. It would require more to actually put it out."

"Trade sand for water?"

"Want to know something cool?" Daisuke squealed. "Sand and water make mud!"

The elder seated next to the excited teenager slapped him.

"I'm sure it does…" Gaara arched a non-existent eyebrow. "Anyways… it seems that people are ignoring our water protection laws. They are using more and more water everyday, and our overall amount is drastically dropping."

"Stricter water laws?" A man suggested.

"Indeed. Whatever Kankurou had to endure will be tripled in severity. Instead of training posts, we'll make it kunai targets."

Kankurou sputtered. "You brat! That was your idea?"

With a small, mocking smirk, Gaara inquired, "How are your bodily functions? Well?"

"Like hell they are! Thanks to you, I pee blood!"

Temari had walked in at this time. She gave her brother a disgusted look before turning on her heel and stalking out.

"Ah…" Kankurou blushed, realizing how that sounded. "Temari! Come back! That didn't sound right! Let me explain!" He raced out of the room.

"Now that Kankurou has left, we can discuss our new punishments for the overuse of a sacred resource without interruption." Gaara nodded sharply. "Increased fees, imprisonment, and restrictions on public protesting are definite. We shall also include burying the offenders alive in sand, public execution by either kunai or katana, and feeding them to the wild pack of desert wolves that have been giving us so much trouble lately."

A cruel smile spread across Gaara's lips. "After all, Shukaku lusts for blood. How could I possibly deny him when he is me?"

Everyone gave wary and terrified looks to their leader.

"Now, let's close the door and start. I believe that all of you have used more water than necessary at one point in your lives." Gaara sent a wave of sand to bar the exits. His face contorted into madness. "And even if you hadn't, I never liked you fools anyways."

Nobody left that place alive, with the exception of Daisuke, who was the only person that was named. He was promoted to Gaara's secretary.


	2. II: Reduction of Public Protesting

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Title: Leading Sunagakure

Summary: Kazekage Gaara is the newly-appointed leader of the Village Hidden in the Sand. However, with power comes responsibility… Watch (and poke fun at) Gaara and his siblings as they endure mishaps and solve problems… horribly.

Warnings: Possible OOC, Possible Yaoi, AUish, Language, Crack, and OCs (minor)

* * *

Chapter II: Reduction of Public Protesting

* * *

"Lord Kazekage! We have a _biiiig_ problem!"

Gaara whipped around and snatched whoever was racing towards him into the air with a hand formed out of sand.

Daisuke, his newly-appointed and self-proclaimed survivor of the "Council Slaughter" that had happened just a few days ago, waved weakly. "Don't kill me."

With a roll of his eyes, Gaara dropped the teenager. "Yes? What is this problem?"

"It seems that numerous public protesting groups and boycotts have sprung up in various places," Daisuke read from a notepad, "including the central—and only—public restroom, the bathhouse, my mother's house—who, I might add, makes the best strawberry cheesecake—all entrances to Suna that have been barred up to keep people in—or is it out?—and since you have refused to show yourself to the 'Gaara Fan Girl' population, there is a huge group of females outside of this very building."

Gaara blinked slowly and waved a dismissive hand. "I thought you were going to give me new problems."

Daisuke's face fell. He had been excited to deliver his first news to the Kazekage. "Well… er… aren't you going to take care of it?"

"That was Kankurou's job."

Daisuke stared. "But he's not the Kazekage."

"And I'm sure Suna thanks me for that."

"Sir?"

"He was second choice for Kazekage, you know."

With a shudder that came with imagining all of the pornographic theaters, strip joints, and reduction on the cost of naughty magazines that would have inevitably been installed in Kankurou's rule, Daisuke came up with an idea. He perked up and raised his hand eagerly. "Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!"

"Cease those primate noises, and speak already."

"Well, I have an idea to fix all of those protest and boycott groups."

"Yes?"

"Let's have a council meeting to discuss it!"

The Kazekage groaned and rubbed his aching forehead weakly. "What a _fantastic _idea."

The sarcasm went unnoticed.

"I know, right? Let's gather everyone up!"

"You do realize that the entire council was slaughtered, right?"

A gasp. "Oh, my god!" A pause. "Really?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, you weren't a part of that."

"I know! Thank goodness for that!" Apparently he hadn't heard the "un" part of "unfortunately."

There was silence as Gaara stared the teenager down.

Finally, "Why, exactly, are all these people protesting?"

"The restroom is too dirty; people think the bathhouse, a large puddle that showed up just yesterday, is not up-to-date like the neighboring Leaf Village's; my mother refuses to make her legendary cheesecake until a few demands of hers are met; people want to be able to leave the village without signing up to be a shinobi; and your fan girls haven't seen you in over two hours."

"Right."

"Uhm… so… what should we do?"

"Hire a janitor for the restroom; slap everyone for forgetting that we're short on water and don't even have a bathhouse; kill your mother; inform everyone that if they try to leave without becoming a shinobi first, they will be pelted with kunai and dragged into enemy territory; and let's dress Kankurou up in some of my clothing and change his hair. If we throw him to the fan girls, that should satisfy them for a while."

"But… my mother makes the best cheesecake! We can't just kill her!"

"Does this cheesecake benefit the economy?"

"Well… no… but—"

"I'll have my sand visit her later."

With a sigh, Daisuke lowered his head to quickly pray. "May God be with her."

Quirking a non-existent eyebrow, Gaara said, "That's it? You're not even going to try to stop me?"

"Eh, she was a bitch when I was younger, anyways."

"I see." Gaara turned to leave. A sudden thought made him stop. "Oh, and instead of putting that ridiculous eyeliner on Kankurou, just punch him until his eyes are black enough. Everyone thinks this," he gestured to the black rings around his eyes, "is eyeliner. The _nerve_."

"What is it then?"

"It's an inherited characteristic. I came from a long line of raccoons," Gaara droned.

"Whoa, _really_?"

"Indeed."

"Wait until the fan girls hear this! Bestiality! That'll scare them away for sure!"


End file.
